I have not been here in a long time. Or it feels like a long time. Because time can bend and stretch and fold depending on how you use it. In the summer it seems to heat up and slip between my fingers, sweet like honey, warm like silk. Is silk warm? I question everything these days, or always. Both are true.
I was on the road for weeks. Waking up in strange places is not strange to me. There is a familiarity to it that hurt at first, how much I missed that other life. But, when the hurt fell away something else came and took its place. A little voice reminding me it is my life, not who I am with. The places I have been are mine, even if I share them with someone else.
Now I am home and the ocean is the same, but I am not. Someone asked me what shifted, what changed. I could not point at any one thing. A million small moments and then you are somewhere else. Is that not how it always goes? But, I will say this you have to make room for those small moments to get it. It’s part luck and part you, like everything else in life.
I am surprised lately how I often I talk of babies. Perhaps that’s a reaction to other people or perhaps it is my own. I cannot tell yet. I feel divided in two and entirely alright with that. Building castles isn’t easy and I am not done with this part just yet. Sometimes I miss the road. Sometimes I miss home. But I do not think it is true that they say you cannot miss both.
There is a list of things I remembered when I was on the road:
Life moves fast but that’s okay, you’ve got friends for that.
Mountains know how to glow just before the sunsets.
Rivers are the best kind of loud.
Dancing is real medicine for the body and the soul.
Love grows where you let it, just like wild poppies.
Everything comes and everything goes, it is not ours to decide when, how, or where.
Eat with your hands, food tastes better.
There is always time for naps, kissing, and cold beer.
This is all for now.