We Must Be Willing

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I think it has a lot to do with being willing. More than I ever thought before.

I am telling you what I want is a watercolor painting of whales but what I mean is, please kiss me. But, just because something feels good does not mean it’s going to fit. Does not mean anything besides it feels good. And I take this as a sign of my growing up. Brushed arms, thoughtlessly placed hands, the direction I face when I sit. This isn’t a secret. But I am pretty sure it’s a dream.

I go away for the weekend, all honeysuckle and daffodils, mossy green limbs and cold salty shores. I burrow away into my writer life in a way that feels familiar, this cloak of work, this so clear purpose that permeates everything I say. I sip coffee and say things like, it’s not easy and I’ve never been good at anything else. 

What I mean is, I don’t know how to finish anything, and I am always afraid of running out of time. When you tell me you are afraid you missed the boat, it’s almost as if I am talking with myself. They say people come along and they are mirrors, show us our true self, show us what we need to see.

What I want is to go upstairs even though I do not know where that it. What I want is to wake up and play with words and walk down the street and drink coffee and watch it rain, and drink bourbon early in the afternoon and reads books out loud in my underwear with the windows open so all the noise gets in. I’d wear sandalwood and be the sort of person who throws away dishes instead of washing them.

But it is not mine to want nor is it enough to want something. To run my fingers over finished books; I cannot wish my words onto the shelf. What I am thinking is that we must be willing and we must will our lives in the direction of that very want. We must right our sails and get on the boat, or better yet, will the boat ashore by getting up in the morning and getting back to work.


 

 

4 Replies to “We Must Be Willing”

  1. This is a magical price of writing. I read and reread it, finding different meanings in the smallest of words which made the whole piece sound different than the time before. I love your writing style. 🧡 this piece is particularly inspiring to me right now in a time of figuring out how to live my passion but also live meaningfully and intentionally. Most times it feels constricting, but those little moments when it feels freeing is why I keep it up. Thanks for sharing! Xx cara

    1. Love! Thank you for such a thoughtful reply. I love it. It means the world to me to know my words are reaching people, being felt, being translated and worn in their own lives. It’s such a gift to hear this, you have no idea. I think the best we can do is try and live intentionally, the parts that don’t fit will eventually fall away so long as we stay true and present. I hope, I believe, I think.

  2. Hi Erin,

    I just completed my new travel book: Two Girls, Two Dogs and a Campervan and would love for you to include on future travel book recommendations. For more information on the book, I’ve added my website below.

    I also see you’re a copywriter, so will definitely consider you for my next book, given I’m creating a travel series.
    Best,
    Bea Sharif

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