Everything you say to me is pennies in a glass jar. They rattle sharp and never settle back where they were before. You come from nowhere to nothing and change everything. I don’t know how to make sense of this, and in certain ways, I’m still sitting on that frozen river in Vermont.
I read something recently and it said, the problem with people is they think they’re safe and they stop worrying about life and how to survive and they start worrying about how they look and what kind of love they’re getting. Life is too good for me to think there is a problem in this.
I am going back out to the desert to learn something, I don’t know what. But I can feel it waiting for me like it always is. I can see it now that you were right, in the way that it wasn’t you and it wasn’t us. The only thing I was really afraid of was hard work. I blamed the rest of the circus for letting the tigers out after dark. Does it make you feel better if I say, it was all my fault?
I am going to stop worrying about what I have done and thing rather on what I am going to do. The work, like prayer, will add up. And everyone is going to eventually be okay.
I imagine her sitting in the front seat of your car, and then I go for a walk. And I decide there aren’t enough words for the color blue.