so be undone

We are only as large as the things we overcome. And that is not to say things in which we overcome exist in a comparative nature. One persons regular decision is another’s lifetime dilemma. We process life altering moments differently because of the kind of people we are, the kind of people we become. It’s circular. I am spilt from top to bottom, and digging through myself like a basement. I am filled with things I do not recognize and hopes I cannot place and fears I cannot look in the eye. I am ragged and breathless and thrown out of orbit. But there are things out here, pieces where my wild things live, aspects of me that needed retrieving. I am not blind I repeat to myself. I try not to be blind in this. Sometimes people come along in our lives and their very purpose is to unhinge you, unlace you, undo everything you think you are and then leave you. They come disguised as gift bearing people, disguised as second chances and good days. But their very intention, their very reason for crossing paths, do not be mistaken lies in that undoing. I cannot see it yet but there is purpose in this well of pain, and I intended to bleed it dry. I have been so undone there is no other way out than to go farther down into the dark parts and drag up to the surface whomever I truly am.