long distance manifesto
I just went haywire on a friends Facebook post/question about long distance relationships, apparently I have something to say.
This has been remarkably interesting for me to read as I am having the same questions. Long distance put an end to an eight year relationship for me this past fall, and I have recently entered into a new long distance relationship. Am I a masochist? Probably. But the truth is, it wasn’t the distance that ended the 8 year road it was just the road, long distance made the obvious more obvious. The relationship would have probably or at least should have ended either way, the distance just brought it into focus. Someone told me at the time that, “distance can make the strong stronger and the weak weaker.” If there are cracks in that relationship, flaws in the basic structure, they will become apparent. It’s odd, but being far away makes it harder to hide things than it does being close. Being close allowed things to slip through those cracks. Physical immediacy can mask the fact that there is nothing left to say. In the new case, I was the one that pleaded for us to try long distance although I had just been burned by the same set up. The truth is, girls like us, (independent, smart, driven) can flourish with distance and space at this age. Would you want to be in a relationship that isn’t capable of distance? Do you want to be with someone or do you want to be the kind of someone that doesn’t do something because of your significant other? No way. I see it as, go to Istanbul go to Rome, go backpacking or bike riding or mountain climbing or wine tasting, do it alone, do it together, but you need to be with someone that will say, DO IT. Someone that means it, and that isn’t wondering or worried about what you’re doing or who you are with. Someone that is just as eager for your adventures as they are for their own, because they love you and they cannot wait to see what wisdom and experience and life you have to bring to the table when you see each other again. The answer is DO IT. Do it because if you can’t then he probably isn’t the right person for you. The key is trust, trust even though you think you can’t because someone else fucked you over, because he cheated on you. Don’t dub yourself a non believer a non truster, don’t let him take more than he already has. Trust is number one, communication is number two, take time to take time. Talk on the phone like it’s 8th grade, get used to texting all the time, and thank god for skype and selfies and face time and all the advantages we have. No one is ever really that far away anymore. Buy yourself a really nice vibrator if you don’t already have one, and when you’re feeling lonely put on a record or read a book or buy a plane ticket and go see him. This is my long distance relationship manifesto.