a day

Sometimes I have to tell myself to have facial expressions. Like I’m out looking for a new set of skin. They want to know what the guilt feels like. And I think that’s something I should know, and that it makes me aware of how many rib bones I have. I keep on thinking about having my blood drawn on a raining Tuesday and how I fit snug into the curve of those special chairs they make you sit in so your veins sit level with the nurses hands. Felt good to let it hold me. I thought, jealousy makes you ugly. Ugly makes you ugly. Her hands kept on shaking as she tried to hit my veins. And the more she missed the more she stuck me and the more her hands shook. I didn’t want to make her feel bad so I looked the other way. I think about you every time I put on my rings and I get convinced sometimes that sometime I will regret all of this. He says to me, “You make hay when the sun is shinning.” And I don’t know what that means at the time. But it’s gets me thinking and asking if anything is ever a necessity.