If you would have told me a week or so ago that things would look and feel the way they do now I would have laughed at you, smiled, and went on my way. What I should have done was batten down the hatches and save some rations for the storm. Sometimes the universe steps in and changes things because we don’t have the foresight or the courage to change them ourselves. I am trying to take my own advice every moment so when I say these things, imagine me repeating them to myself in the mirror as the moments creep by. Sometimes for whatever reason unbeknowst to us at the moment, everything must change. There is a complete upheaval of your daily life as you know it. More than a change in the winds or the stars, monumental life changing shit just crashes around you and all you can do is hope that when the smoke clears, there is still a horizon to hope for. My mother tells me that from transformation there shall be transcendence. My mother knows best and in such times I find comfort in her words and her ever steady planetary alignments.
To see my plans crumble, for the good or the bad, has been a terrifying and liberating experience. With no financial aid and some clear thinking I have decided to withdraw from school and pursue other dreams.
To watch love as you have known it change and leave before your eyes is also one of the deepest and saddest places I have ever gone. But there is a lot of beauty left, and I am healthy.
The only thing left to do is to rebuild and rely solely on my own resources to create a life that I have always intended on living.
I feel a lot like a Phoenix. The sudden and explosive fire to both self, hearth, and home. Yet, new life rises from those ashes and is more beautiful than ever.
If only I could put the fire out.